A never-ending "START"

   I was sure, almost 3 years ago, that I had it all figured it out. Then, like a rollercoaster, it all went down and I had to put myself together. Again. Then, when everything was fine once more, I met someone who made me question all that I have ever known and felt. So I had to break myself into tiny little pieces and rebuild everything from bottom to top. I realized we can never be the same as yesterday .

   Deep down, I knew I had to rebuild myself every once in a while, but I did not say it out loud, not until later. I’ve lost count of how many times I've done this, since that day. And still, everytime is like a first time. It shocks me, it almost frightens me: all which is linked to change. I’m constantly afraid. You would say I would have lost my fear after all this time, but it’s not true. Fear never leaves, it just takes other forms. I’ve learnt to either ignore it or use it in my own advantage,  depending on the situation. I do not want a life lived in fear,  one lived too cautiously . I once heard someone say:  "The only thing that is constant is CHANGE”  and now I know that person was right . 

   I have not reached yet the point where I embrace change with all my heart, but I’m working on it, for I believe it to be the only thing which is good for me. And maybe not just for me, but for everyone else. If we get stuck in a way of being, aren’t we losing, like a beloved friend of mine said, something greater?

   So we destroy and then re-invent ourselves, there is no other other possibility to get to the surface of this mess we all call life. 





Thank you, C. :)